So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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