she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
