Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My dick has a subreddit
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
