He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
