If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
