I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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