I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
