I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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