i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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