Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
