Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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