alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
