i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
