If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
