Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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