Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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