you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
