i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Randomize
