is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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