yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
