I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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