Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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