Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
