We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
