I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
