bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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