Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize