its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
