There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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