He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Did I show you my penis last night?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize