U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
