just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
