I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
