Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
