listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
