Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
