I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
