Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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