If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
