i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
