and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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