Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My life is pants optional.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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