I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my liver is dry heaving
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize