I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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