I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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