Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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