i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
