butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
