She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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