I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
