After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
