My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
