right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
