Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
