I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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