I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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