You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
