he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
birth control should be required to get into college
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
