Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
