is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
