I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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