You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
where are you?
Hypothermia
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
