What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
