btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
two words...techno handjob
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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