I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
