i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am naked and annoyed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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